Realizing
by CastlexOUATxLGxContinuumxx22
Summary: After Emily gets attacked by an unsub Hotch begins to realizes that he has feelings for her.


**Realizing **

The BAU team was in pursuit of middle age man who has killed two men, three woman, and four children for no particular reason. The only thing the team knows is that the trigger of this murder spree was that his brother, wife, and daughter were killed by a drunk driver. They finally figured out who the culprit was and got quickly after him but only to scare him off hence the pursuit. The team had split up hoping to surround him. He had ran into a wooden area; SA Emily Prentiss and SSA Aaron Hotchner going left, while SA Derek Morgan and SA David Rossi went right, and SA Jennifer Jaruea and SA Spencer Reid going straight. Prentiss and Hotchner had caught up to the unsub trapping him on the edge of a cliff and themselves.

"Just take it easy, Jason," Hotch said his gun aimed at him.

"I can't go to jail. I had to do it. I needed to do it." Jason explained frantically.

"Everything is going to be alright, Jason. We just need to take you in so you won't hurt anybody else or yourself. Do you understand?" Hotch said. Jason nodded his head in understand.

"Okay. Okay," he said. Prentiss holstered her gun and slowly advanced towards Jason, taking out her handcuffs. She walked behind him, taking his left arm and placing it behind his back but before she had the chance to place the cuff on his wrist Jason had quickly stepped back giving Emily no time to to react or keep her balance, managing to knock her backwards off the cliff.

"Hey! Stop!" yelled Hotch when Jason took off running. Hotch quickly radioed the rest of the team, stating what had happened, his position and which way Jason had ran. He carefully looked over the edge of the cliff, seeing that Emily had managed to grab a hold of a tree branch that was sticking out of the side.

"Prentiss!" yelled Hotch, Emily looked up.

"I can't pull myself up!" Emily yelled up to him. She was not very far from the ledge.

"I think I can reach you," Hotch yelled back to her. He laid down on his stomach, hung over the side and reached down to her. She hesitantly took her left hand off the branch and stretched to grab Hotch's hand but they couldn't reach each other, their fingers were only inches away from one another.

"Prentiss, you need to climb up a little to fully grab my hand," Hotch grunted out.

"I can't," Prentiss also grunted out.

"You have to!" Hotch yelled. Emily nodded quickly and tried to climb the short distance but her foot kept slipping on loose rocks and dirt.

"Come on," Hotch coaxed her on quietly. After a second time of climbing and slipping Prentiss finally managed to grab a hold of Hotch's outstretched hand just in time for the branch that she was holding onto to ripped out of the side of the cliff and fall to the ground below having Prentiss be hanging dead-weight. Hotch started to pull her up but he started to feel himself slowly being dragged forward.

"Don't let go," Prentiss said quietly locking eyes with Hotch, he noticed that fear was written across Emily's face, causing Hotch to have a sense of adrenaline and something else shoot through him and began to pull her and himself back up onto solid ground. Once they were fully back on ground, Prentiss and Hotch laid there next to each other Hotch's hand still gripping Emily's hand, both of them breathing heavily. Prentiss looked up at him and smiled slightly.

"Thank you," she said, letting out a breath of relief and gently squeezed his hand.

"Are you okay?" Hotch asked. Emily nodded.

"I will be," she answered, nodding. Just then JJ and Reid burst out of the surrounding trees, taking in the scene in before them having Hotch hesitantly let go of Emily hand.

"Are you two okay?" JJ asked, holding out a hand to Emily helping her up from the ground, while Spencer helped Hotch. Both Emily and Hotch nodded.

"We're fine," Hotch answered, looking at Emily as he answered.

"Did you get the unsub?" Emily asked. JJ nodded.

"Morgan and Rossi escorted him to the car," Spencer stated.

"Good, let's get going," Hotch said, walking back into the woods with the other three following him.

On the plane ride home, Hotch tried to keep himself close to Emily without trying put attention on himself. But, Rossi had noticed the strange behavior that Hotch was showing and went and sat next to him.

"Are you alright?" Rossi asked, causing Hotch to look up from the file he was looking at.

"Excuse me?" Hotch asked.

"You've been…not yourself since the whole incident with Emily," Rossi said sneaking a glance over at the sleeping Emily who had fallen asleep a little after they had taken off.

"I'm fine."

"I don't think you are." Hotch sighed knowing it's no use in denying it.

"I don't know. _Something_ happened on that cliff, something that opened my eyes on some things. I just don't know how to deal with them right now. I need time to figure it out," Hotch stated. Rossi nodded.

"That something has to do with Emily doesn't it?" Hotch nodded.

"All right. Just… don't take too long to figure it out," Rossi said before standing back up and going back to his own seat. Hotch watched his departure and then, he too, snuck a glance over at Emily before putting his attention back on the file he was reading. When they had landed the whole team had gone back to HQ, packed up their stuff and had gone home, even Hotch went home which the team had found a little odd but shrugged it off thinking he wanted to get home to Jack. When he had gotten home, Hotch didn't like the silence that enveloped him when he entered the house. Jack wasn't home; he was spending the weekend at his aunt's house, so Hotch had the house to himself. Hotch walked over to his couch, sat down, resting his head back while his thoughts ran through his mind about everything that happened with Emily on the cliff. The new feelings he had experienced when he saw her go over that edge. For once in Hotch's life he couldn't figure out what he feelings meant. He was completely stumped. As time slowly passed by Hotch had fallen asleep, a dream or a nightmare running through his subconscious.

_**Hotch knew that this had to be a dream; he was reliving the moment on the cliff but something was different. Everything was the same but Hotch couldn't get passed the feeling that something was not right about this whole situation. Just then, Jason had once again quickly stepped backwards causing Emily to tumble over the side. Hotch, like before, radioed the team and began to assist Emily. He lay on the ground and reached down to her. **_

_** "Grab my hand!" he yelled to her. She began to scramble up the side but kept on slipping.**_

_** "I can't. I keep slipping," Emily yelled back to him. **_

_** "You have to!" he courage her on. She nodded and began to climb again this time making progress she was only inches away from grabbing Hotch's hand when suddenly the tree root that she was holding onto ripped out of the side of the cliff causing it and Emily to fall to the ground below.**_

_** "No!" Hotch yelled, his eyes wide with shock and fear. **_

_** "No!" Hotch yelled again, his gaze never leaving Emily's bloody, tangled body from below. **_

"No!" Hotch yelled once again, bolting up off the couch. It took him only a few minutes to realize that he was home but couldn't figure out if his nightmare was real or just part of his imagination. He couldn't be too certain. He has dealt with people who believe things but it would turn out that it was all part of their minds playing a trick on them. Was Emily really alive? Did she really fall to her death like she did in his dream? He had to be certain. He had to see if it was true or not. He grabbed his coat and quickly left his apartment. He didn't even bother looking at the time, he was not concern that she probably was sleeping. It did not take him long to drive to Emily's apartment and loudly knock on her door, his dread building up each second as he waited for her to answer the door.

It was almost two o'clock in the morning and Emily was just about to head to bed but before she could a frantic knock on her door stopped her. She wonder who could be possible be there to visit her so late in the evening and when she looked through the peep hole seeing Hotch standing on the other side, surprise swept through her and she opened the door.

"Hotch, what are you doing here?" she asked. He looked up at her with blank eyes before stepping forward and grabbing a hold of her shoulders letting out a sigh of relief when his hands touched her.

"You're really here," he muttered. Emily was concern at his behavior.

"Hotch, what's going on?" she asked gently but he didn't comprehend that she was talking to him.

"You fell. I couldn't save you. You died. I watched you die. It was real. I thought it was real," he stated not really talking to her particularly. She listened to him, recognition that he must have had a dream and him coming to her house was his way of letting him know that it was just that…a dream. She noticed that his grip on her was tightening, her shirt bunching in his fists. He was just staring at her. She had to bring him inside; they couldn't stay there in her doorway for much longer she wanted to get him inside. She backed up, his grip tightening even more; he didn't want to lose the touch of her.

"It's okay. Come inside," she beckoned gently as she took another step backwards, this time he followed her. She led him to the couch and sat down, his hands falling from her shoulders to her hands. They were quiet once again. Emily couldn't help but admit that Hotch's behavior was worrying her. This behavior was UN-Hotch like.

"Hotch," she began but he interrupted her.

"Dead. You were dead. I saw you fall. You _fell_. You're body was all bloody and…" he trailed off shutting his eyes try to shut out the images running through his mind.

"Hotch. Hotch, listen to me. I'm not dead. I'm here, you're touching me. I am very much alive, okay?" she said, trying to snap him out of whatever this was.  
"I should have been the one who died not you."

"No, Hotch. No. Why are you acting like this? What made this come on all of sudden?" she asked. His gaze was still blank and he was still not looking at her.

"When the unsub had made you fall off that cliff. It scared me I thought I had lost you. It should have been me, I should have gone to apprehend him not you," he said.

"Hotch; you had the best shot if he tried anything besides you have Jack to worry about. I have no one," she said having Hotch's eyes snapped up to her, what she had said had clearly snapped him out of his reverie and his eyes were filled with anger.

"You don't? What about the team? You're mother? Me?" he said, anger set in his voice.

"Hotch…" Emily said kind of worry where this conversation was heading.

"In my dream as I tried to reach you but couldn't, I felt hopeless because I knew I couldn't get to you. My God! I was so helpless, I hadn't felt that way since Hailey, when I was hearing you get beaten by Cyrus. It scared the hell out of me, Emily," he said, surprising her by the use of her first name.

"The thought of losing you had opened my eyes to some feelings that I never thought I would feel again…adoration."

"Hotch," she said warningly, removing her hands from his and standing from the couch.

"I'm serious."

"I know you are and that's what scares me," she said, pacing back and forth in her living room.

"Why does it scare you?"

"This isn't supposed to happen. You're not supposed to fall in love with me, Hotch."

"Why not?! You can't stop what you feel, Emily."

"Don't you think I know that?! You're my boss even if you weren't it would still be against the rules and you know that!" she said, her voice rising. He stood from the couch.

"Why are you acting like this?"

"Because I'm thinking logically, Hotch!"

"No, you are not. You're scared," he said confidently making her look at him and shake her head, disapproving.

"I'm not scared."

"You are. You're scared that if you get too close that you are going to lose me. In our line of job you never know but you have got to take the risk, Emily. Life is too short. The events from tonight should have told you that!"

"No! The events leading up to Hailey's death had told me that no matter how hard you try to protect someone you love they still end up hurt or dead. I couldn't deal with that if I had to be put into that position again. I mean it's bad enough that every day I have to worry about one of my closest friends getting shot down in the line of duty I won't be able to handle it if I let you in and that it would be you." Hotch looked at her for a long time before he had walked around the coffee table towards her. She backed up putting out a hand.

"What are you doing?" she said, as he got near her, her back hitting her counter giving him the advantage to get in close to her, his hands resting on her waist. Her extended hand was on his chest pushing him back away from her.

"No," she said, trying desperately to get him away from him but he kept on insisting. She looked at him with pleading eyes, telling him not to do what he was planning on doing.

"Hotch, no," she said, desperation filled her voice. He leaned in, she backs her head away but he still managed to capture her lips in a soft kiss. She let out a small whimper when their lips connected. She was resisting him and he could feel that she was. He broke apart from her, his hands still placed on her waist, their lips inches apart. He was about to lean it again when Emily's small voice stopped him.

"Stop," she said, whispering.

"Why?" he asked, his voice too, a whisper.

"Because I can't do this."

"Do what?"

"Open myself up to you."

"In fear of getting hurt?"

"In fear of losing you."

"You're not going to lose me."

"I almost did with Foyet."

"That was then. This is now."

"I can't," she said again trying to wiggle her way out of his grasp but his hold on her tightened and his lips gently came back onto hers. He slowly moved his lips over hers and not long he began to feel her relax in his arms but was still tense and resisting. His right hand had managed to lift up the hem of her shirt, his fingers gently caressing the flesh underneath it causing her to gasp out into his mouth from pleasure, her hands clenched into fists, bunching his shirt up within them. That's when he felt her finally respond back to him. She pulled him closer to her, her lips moving feverishly over his. He could feel her need radiate itself into the kiss and he meant it with the same force. They broke apart once oxygen was needed. They stood there, breathing heavily. But, just then Emily had gently pushed him away and put some distance between the two of them. Emily's action confused Hotch.

"Emily? What's wrong?"

"I'm still not convinced this is going to end well."

"Emily," Hotch said walking to her but she stopped him by the shake of her head.

"No. I-I think you should leave," she said. Hotch was shocked and disappointed but obeyed her request and headed to the door but stop when he was in front of her. He leaned it slightly, looking her straight in the eyes.

"You might not believe that whatever happens between us is not going to end well but I do. I have faith that it will and if you had a little faith and you wanted this to work, it will end well. You just need a little faith, Emily, have faith in yourself and faith in me." Hotch said, taking a small step back his eyes never leaving hers.

"Have a nice evening," he said, heading to the door, placing his hand on the door knob and opened the door.

"Wait!" Emily called out halting his movement.

"I do have faith," Emily said causing Hotch to turn to face her. He kept quiet watching her.

"It just that we have seen so much…have been through so much it is just hard sometimes to believe that we can actually be happy. I don't want to get close to you intimately and then end up losing you. I saw how it affected you when Hailey died, I don't think I can do that, Hotch. I have no one to pull me back together again."

"I don't know how I can convince you that everything will be alright with us. I can't promise that I will always be here for you but what I can promise is that I will try to make you make you happy as long as I can." Emily nodded, walking to him.

"Okay," she said holding out her hand to him. He smiled slightly while he gently closed the door and grabbed her hand, having Emily lead him further into the apartment and up towards her bedroom, Hotch stopped in the hallway, Hotch raised his eyebrow in question when Emily looked at him causing Emily to smile.

"It's not what you are thinking," she said.

"No?"

"No. Where's Jack?"

"With his aunt."

"Sleep with me." Emily stated causing Hotch to look at her in surprise having Emily smile.

"I mean just sleep," Emily said, shyly causing Hotch to smile.

"Okay," he said. She led him the rest of the way to her room, entered her room, sat on the bed, scooted back and laid on her back watching Hotch remove his own shoes and jacket before he turned off the light and lied back next to her. Once he was settled in Emily rolled onto her side, cuddling in next to him having Hotch wrap an arm around her, his fingers dawdling with her hair while she rested her head on his chest and draped her arm across his stomach. They were quiet, absorbing how good it felt to be lying next to one other.

"I thought I lost you," Hotch said quietly making Emily turn her head to look up at him. He felt the movement and looked down at her.

"I really did thought I had lost you this time," he said. Emily nodded.

"I know."

"It scared the hell out of me. Do you know how that feels?"

"Yes. I felt the same way when I showed up at your apartment after Foyet attacked you, when I didn't know where you were at or even if you were alive," Emily responded. They grew quiet, their eyes never leaving the others. Hotch leaned down and gently began to kiss Emily, her hand slowly rising and tracing his jaw with her fingers. They broke apart not long after the kiss had started.

"How are we going to explain this to the rest of the team?" Emily asked.

"We will come to that bridge when we get to it. They don't have to know for the time being," Hotch said.

"I agree. For right now it should just be us focusing on us," Emily said resting her head back onto his chest as she yawned.

"You should get some sleep," Hotch suggested. Emily nodded as she closed her eyes. Not long after Hotch felt her breathing become steady and even, indicating she was asleep. He lied there with her in his arms, the rise and fall of her chest could be felt on his side and he just knew things were going to be okay. For him, for Jack, and for Emily; at that thought he smiled to himself and then, he too slowly drifted off to sleep.

**THE END**


End file.
